This moment absolutely wrecked me. I knew from multiple interviews that Kristen cried in the recording booth and Jen got touched by her interpretation of the song, but damn.
When helping kids learn from their mistakes and correcting past behavior, it’s important for parents and other role models to separate what they DID, and who they ARE.
Look at the exchange in the images above. The kid apologizes for “being bad,” and the adult points out that it isn’t a question of “being.” It’s about specific behavior.
“Definitely was acting brand new. But you ain’t got a bad bone in your body.”
For a personal example, I’ve been working with one of my kids about bullying other kids. And when she behaves that way, I will tell her, “What you’re doing is bullying,” or “Stop bullying them.”
What I WON’T say is “You’re being a bully.”
Because kids listen (even when we feel like they aren’t) and they are constantly taking in information that they use to define themselves. And the worst thing I could do in this situation is say, “You’re being a bully,” and they believe me.
It happens so often, it’s tragic. We tell kids, “You’re a bully,” “You’re dumb,” “You’re being obnoxious,” and they internalize that. And as soon as a kid accepts “I am a bully” as part of their identity, they will act accordingly.
On the flip side, I used to think it was OK to label kids with “being” statements as long as they were positive, but I’ve learned even that has hidden dangers.
For example, imagine one of my kids finishes a puzzle really quickly, and I respond by saying, “You’re so smart!” Seems great, right?
But what happens when they move on to a harder puzzle and they don’t finish as quickly? So they start thinking things like, “Dad said I’m smart because I can do puzzles fast. But I didn’t do this one fast so I guess I’m not smart after all.” Or, “Dad says I’m smart because I can do puzzles fast, but I didn’t do this one fast so it must be a stupid puzzle that’s made wrong.”
I guess my point is, use “you are” statements sparingly and carefully with kids. Tell them things like, “You are important,” “You are valuable,” “You are loved.” But when it comes to behavior, make it clear that what they do does not define who they are. Let them define themselves.
Like many other people, especially here in the US, the COVID pandemic has now impacted me financially.
I’m not making this post as a GoFund Me or asking for donations or anything like that.
As you may or may not know, my third novel has now been released. So. What I am asking for is that if you have the financial means and enjoy my work, please purchase it or check out the first two books if you haven’t read The Bloodlines Series yet.
If you can’t buy, please boost this post!!
I do love to write and enjoy it. So what I ask if you’re able to buy, please purchase the Kindle editions as I get the most revenue from them.
Also, I greatly support any means to get my novels out there.
Why do parents always assume their kid is lazy when they get bad grades? Like maybe help your kids by talking to them, not punishing them. This is how I failed math and didn’t even know I had number dyslexia for years.
When my sister was in high school she struggled a LOT with math. Like I know a lot of people find it really difficult (myself included), but I mean she was really really bad at it. She has always been a very smart, creative and sensitive person, but math made no sense to her, to the point where passing seemed impossible.
I will always remember that twice a week, around the kitchen table, my sister would sit down with my dad for hours, and they would try to work out her math homework. I should mention that my dad is an artist, and art teacher. Truth be told I think he struggled with math just as much if not more then she did. But twice a week you could hear them downstairs, going back and forth, trying to figure it out together. Some nights would be smooth and easy, some nights I could hear them arguing from one floor up about factors or equations, not in anger but in mutual frustration.
I remember the day that she passed. My sister couldn’t wait until my dad’s school day ended, so she called him at work. She gleefully announced to him “I got a D-!”. We could hear him through the phone as he exclaimed “She got a D!” excitedly to his class. Still through the phone we heard his students clapping, laughing and whooping in congratulations. Seldom has a grade in our household been so celebrated.
Just thought a shitty picture like this should be accompanied by a story about a person’s parents who actually gave a shit about helping their kid instead of mocking and punishing them.
Read the story
The fact that her dad told his students….AND THE STUDENTS CLAPPED…..
Catra begging Adora not to sacrifice herself, but choosing to stand by her side anyway, finally understanding that the responsibility she carries doesn’t lessen her love for her and basically saying if you die then I die, too.
Adora actually respecting Catra’s decision on this, instead of trying to protect/control her like she would have in the past.
They chose to intertwine their fates in this scene and THAT was what ended up saving the universe… The kiss was Adora choosing to “stay with” Catra, and Catra choosing to “go with” Adora. So in conclusion I’m crying
